3 Things to Say to Co-Workers and Colleagues Coping through Difficult Times

While it’s typical to have grief support from family and friends, I’m struck that employer and co-worker support still remains a rarity rather than the norm. The response of an employer through difficult times like—death of a loved one, new or worsening medical diagnosis, pregnancy loss, or divorce—can sometimes mean the difference of a team member’s resignation or willingness and ability to stay.  

Leaders and colleagues often fumble for a response because grief frequently arises from personal, sensitive situations. We want to help you get past the discomfort or feeling unprepared so that you can play a helpful role to support those grieving or throughout a bereavement or medical leave.

Below are 3 things you can say to support team members, colleagues, and clients through difficult times.

“We may not always know what to say or do, but we are here for you.”

Give yourself and the organization permission to admit you won’t always have the right words. The simple act of reaching out to colleagues expresses that the organization cares about them and their well-being. I’ve heard several stories from individuals who had baby showers thrown by their co-workers and colleagues, only to experience complete silence when a tragic pregnancy or infant loss occurred. In all stories, while the timing varied, all individuals left their roles at the employer.  Pretending nothing has happened creates more harm. Silence is not the answer, no matter how hard the situation might be.  

“We’ll be checking in from time to time to let you know we are thinking of you.”

Grief follows no timeline, and it can last a long time. After a significant loss for a colleague, set a calendar reminder to check in at certain intervals that feels appropriate for the circumstances. When immediate support dissipates, longer term check-ins can be heartening. They can be as simple as a card, email, or text to say, “You continue to be in our thoughts.” Avoid the good-intentioned and often said statement, “Let us know if there is anything we can do to help.” It will most likely go unanswered for a grieving individual who is perhaps not able to quickly respond, or feels uncomfortable asking for help.

“You are a valued member of our team, and we care about you.”

Grief and loss can be isolating, and a sense of belonging in the workplace can be comforting, particularly if things at home are upended. It is important to remind individuals about their belonging to the team as remote work has impacted what might have been a welcome distraction to go into the workplace and see colleagues (virtually or otherwise). Reiterating that the individual has a safe place of belonging demonstrates compassion and support.

One of the learnings of our current pandemic is that workplace support through grief and difficult times is no longer a “nice-to-have” sentiment, but rather, a significant distinguisher. You can be confident that these statements of support mean a lot to those who need them most. Ultimately, they ensure a colleague feels acknowledged instead of avoided, which perhaps we all need now more than ever.

Catherine Hinz is the Founder of Beyond Words Co., a care package company based in St. Paul, MN that designs and ships care packages specifically to help support those experiencing grief, loss, and difficult life transitions. Beyond Words Co. continues to experience significant growth through workplace and corporate sympathy gifting.