What You Say in Sympathy Cards
Three years into handwriting thousands of messages in sympathy cards, I’m often struck by both the beautiful diversity and commonality of the messages people write to another. I have the honor of a front row seat to witness how our society extends condolences and written words of support through grief.
Many times, the length of messages and word choices are similar, but noticeable are the differences in the the tools we use of humor, faith, and sincerity as support is extended. With a lot of care and passion for this work, these are my observations for sympathy card messages. I’ve also put key tips into a guide for you here, to be inspired as you extend your own meaningful condolence messages.
Sympathy Card Message Length: We have no character limit for words in a sympathy or condolence card. So, interestingly, the majority of messages when handwritten almost always fit the size of a 4x6 card. There are rarely times where more cards are needed, and rarely times where the messages are only one or two lines. Most often, four-to-five sentences of support are extended. The most common single-line phrase in our sympathy cards? “Thinking of You.”
Common Words in Sympathy Cards: Struck by some sympathy card commonalities, I analyzed all the messages to look for trends on word choices. It was not surprising, but one of my favorite discoveries to confirm that “Love” is the most commonly used word in our sympathy card messages. Of course, it is most often used in closing.
This word represents the best signal that our mission of ensuring no one feels alone through life’s hardest times is consistently brought to life by our community. I don’t think there is anything more powerful when you are grieving a loss than to know that you are not alone, and that you are loved. The other most common words in the sympathy cards included:
Peace, Time, Care, Sorry, Loss, Help, Always, Sending, Healing
Sprinkled throughout are other favorites like wish, strong, together, hugs, heart, loved, hold, and hear.
The Role of Humor, Spirituality, Sincerity in Sympathy Cards
We welcome your requests to help craft a sympathy card message, but we always state that you know your recipient best. This is why we love witnessing personality shining through your words. Messages occasionally include humor, and from what we read, we are confident it is going to bring a smile to the reader’s face.
Humor is most often brought forth in the context of a funny story about a loved one who has passed. It is very clear that the memory is sure to bring the loved one’s spirit and zest for life to be top of mind. We even read fun stories for pets who have passed on, creating visions of the quirky things they did. Poems sometimes make an appearance and they seem so incredibly fitting for the relationships. In the darkness of grief, the readers of these humorous cards may find a moment of much-needed lightheartedness and endearment.
Spirituality is another component included in messages. It is brought forth by relaying scripture or spiritual passages that the writer may believe to be special or meaningful for the recipient. Sometimes, it is clear that many writers and recipients may know each other through a shared faith community or group that makes this a special bonding element of the message. Spirituality comes through in writing a prayer or even poetry that is passed along in an effort to be consoling and comforting. Just as humor has a special place in sympathy card messages, it is very clear that spirituality plays an important role for many.
Lastly, many cards demonstrate an outstanding honesty and sincerity that is special. This frequently involves stating a reality of how difficult the time is, while avoiding any “sugarcoating” of the hard situation. We also detect sincerity when the writer keeps the focus on the recipient instead of their own personal pain. It shines through a message for which the writer simply but clearly outlines how much the recipient is loved and cared by those around them. Sincerity is honest, it is clear, and it is caring. There is nothing quite like feeling the power of a sincere sympathy card flow from the writer’s intent through handwriting it onto a card.
I look forward to writing thousands more messages of support and kindness. As difficult as grief and loss can be, the words of our community are an evergreen reminder that we can be there for others in the hardest of times. Even when it feels beyond your ability to find the right ones, your words will bring a moment of warmth and love when it’s needed most.
