Sympathy Gift Ideas for Men: From Their Viewpoint
The first conversation I had with a man sharing his experience with grief caught me completely off guard in a way you might find heartbreaking.
I’ll share that story in a moment, but first I want to acknowledge that coming up with sympathy gift ideas for men isn’t easy, for reasons much greater than simply “men are hard to shop for.”
Sympathy Gift Ideas For Men Should Differ From Other Gift-Giving Occasions
As a society, our sympathy gift ideas skew toward those more traditionally deemed “feminine.” A bouquet of flowers; a gift certificate to the spa. It’s not that grieving men don’t or cannot appreciate these gestures—they certainly can.
But a quick Google for “sympathy gifts for men” demonstrates that the world does not differentiate much between gifts for men designed for sympathy and those more appropriate for, say, Father’s Day.
We’ve sent hundreds of care packages and sympathy gifts for men experiencing grief. Moreover, we speak directly and humbly with grieving men to understand their unique experiences with grief, so that each of our sympathy care packages is curated with only the most useful, comforting, and aligned sympathy gifts for men.
I’ll get back to that first experience of mine, which wasn’t actually an official part of our research and design process.
Instead, it served as a catalyst to conduct such research—specifically to meet the needs of grieving men—to spark our dedication to finding sympathy gift ideas for men that go beyond a meal, a bottle of booze (we see and hear of it often), or bouquet.
The Business Phone Call That Changed My Business
I was connecting with a sales representative from a national shipping carrier in an effort to manage Beyond Word Co.’s shipping costs. Just another item on my day’s to-do list, and my least favorite operational part of business.
45 minutes into the conversation about the most mundane parts of shipping (box type, weight, dimensions, gas surcharges, destination zip codes—you know, exciting stuff), the call took a sudden turn when the man on the other end of the line asked, out of pure curiosity, what my business was actually shipping.
I told him we create care packages for individuals going through grief or loss. I mentioned that the reason for my current shipping inquiry was because I hoped to start sending care packages to organ donor families on behalf of an organ procurement organization.
The phone call went silent. After a moment, he began to cry.
As his sobs grew quieter, his story flowed out. The man I had called to talk business had lost his young son in an accident and had ultimately made the decision to donate his son’s organs.
It was almost as if he forgot I was on the phone as he poured out his story to a listening ear. He relayed what was helpful to him in the days, weeks, and years after the death of his son, describing the first few days of loss as if it was yesterday.
He shared his pain, and how he honored a young boy’s memory, and most generously, he offered suggestions for what would have been helpful to him when the pain was most raw. In yet another business matter of ordering new snack items for our care packages, the owner of the snack company, the better bar, mentioned he had looked up my business and wanted to say he was a bereaved father. He stated that a business like Beyond Words Co. was so important to extend support to those who are grieving.
After ensuring it was okay to ask, I asked him what was helpful in his experience. He took his time and energy to not only provide feedback on a prototype of our men’s care package design and list of men’s sympathy gift ideas, but to even make a list of what he found beneficial and healing in his own grief. Including his recommendations, and his amazing bars born out of love, brings extra care and intention to our gifts.
These are not the only (or last) conversations that help to inform a more empathetic design of our men’s care packages. It’s an honor to be a listening ear in these conversations, and we attempt to pay our gratitude back to grieving men by designing our custom men’s care packages with the best men’s sympathy gifts for situations of loss and grief.
Men who experience great loss are grieving, and we must be better at addressing it.
Genders grieve differently.
Pockets of research and collections of observations from experts, ranging from counselors to hospice coordinators, relay that men tend not to grieve as outwardly or openly.
Additionally, sometimes men’s grief takes on a physical aspect of doing or accomplishing something. A touching example of this is a business in Beyond Word Co.’s own backyard, Rudolph’s Bluebird Houses.
This type of grieving is called instrumental grieving, as described by Doka and Martin in their second edition book, Grieving Beyond Gender: Understanding the Ways Men and Women Mourn. The message here is clear: Grief is a continuum—with two distinct patterns on either end.
The Intuitive Pattern | Often described as feminine; an emotional and affective expression of grief
The Instrumental Pattern | Often described as masculine; where grief is expressed in a physical or cognitive manner
Of course, everyone grieves differently, and this continuum includes myriad grief practices in-between.
As for our recommendations on the most appropriate and best men’s sympathy gift ideas, they come from the stories, input, and feedback we’ve gathered in our conversations with grieving men themselves, and well-founded research...
Here are some of the items we include as men’s sympathy gifts:
Sympathy Gift Ideas For Men Experiencing Grief Or Loss
Playing cards or puzzles to keep hands and minds busy
Items for movement, or promoting movement
A blank journal
Subtle, grounding essential oils with masculine tones like sandalwood, myrrh, and clove
Less floral notes in both food and self-care items
Straightforward packaging with bolder text
Darker colors like tans, blacks, and rich greens and deep blues
A more consistent use of coffee instead of tea (but we always ask preference!)
It’s important to note that while these might be tendencies in our masculine designs, we acknowledge all individuals grieve differently.
We pay close attention to our ordering customer’s information to guide our designs. If you’re putting together a care package for a man, take into account his style, preferences, and personality.