How To Support A Grieving Employee
Supporting an employee as they deal with grief can be one of the hardest tasks an employer, manager, HR professional, or corporate leadership can face.
It requires an understanding of grief and knowledge about being flexible with and supporting someone in strife—all while balancing potential bereavement leave, redistribution of workload, or other special accommodations. Such tasks require compassion and delicacy.
When going through my own painful divorce and child custody process, workdays felt foreign and disconnected. My professional daytime hours were newly consumed with high-consequence personal decisions and financial pressures, and a pile-one of additional meetings with lawyers and counselors. I was distracted, fatigued, and emotional at the expense of my customary focused and energetic leadership style.
Of course, no leave policy covered an ongoing divorce process, and the large health system I was at was unrelenting in the daily demands of my role. It was the hardest time of my leadership career, and one that I eventually left less than a year after my divorce was finalized.
Employers invest a lot of time and money in selecting and training their workforce. Supporting employees through times of need with care and compassion is a powerful and distinguishing extension of that—and many businesses miss the mark.
Organizations recognize now, more than ever, the value of humanity in the workplace. In fact, 56% of people say they would consider leaving a workplace that doesn’t provide support for grief or loss, according to research by Dying Matters’ Life after Death (2014).
Supporting employees through times of transition, loss, or grief is its own branch on the workplace tree of humanity. Use this guide to support for a grieving employee as a starting place to help it grow strong.
Things To Understand About Grief
Loss and grief are unavoidable.
It’s important to know that grief happens to everyone. At some point in life, we will encounter the loss of a loved one, face a daunting medical diagnosis, or be struck by loss or tragedy. When this happens, it can be paralyzing. To the person going through a grieving process, it can feel impossible that the world keeps turning around them while their life has changed in unimaginable ways.
Organizations should expect this reality and prepare for it, so that when our employees are struggling, we can demonstrate understanding, model an environment of support, and show that we value them as human beings—not just as producers of work.
Grief continues even after the (often brief) bereavement leave ends.
A common misconception is that life returns to normal after some time of grieving.
The truth is, there is no “return” to a pre-loss state. There is only a new “normal,” which includes ebbs and flows of grief that are ongoing.
If an employee took bereavement leave, the company needs to be respectful and considerate of their needs upon their return to work. If their grief does not involve a leave of absence, we must be aware and accommodating throughout.
What does that look like? It means temporarily being more flexible with workloads and expectations.
You can support them in a way that works for both the employee and the business. This temporary support can include:
Provide an extended leave. Many companies' bereavement leave timeframes are too brief for the situations at-hand. Consider longer leaves or ensuring bereavement leave eligibility encompasses more than death of an immediate family member.
Having a policy where the employee knows that they can speak openly about their concerns (to a manager or HR) and that you will actively listen.
Flexible work schedules and locations.
Decrease the workload by privately delegating some duties to coworkers.
Understand that some situations or settings can be triggering. Work to limit those situations as much as possible.
Watch for signs of mental health issues, and if the employee needs additional help, provide the means or gently encourage them to use other benefits like an employee assistance program.
Everyone grieves differently.
One thing that makes offering support for a grieving employee challenging is that no one follows the same path when they grieve. While some people are openly emotional and may struggle to get through a day without tears, others seem to be unaffected by the loss.
The number one rule when it comes to grief? Don’t make any assumptions about it. This Forbes article explains five common faulty assumptions we make about grieving individuals.
There is no timeline for grief. It is hard for us to expect that a grieving employee will be moving through their grief journey in a specified amount of time. Some individuals are able to return to work and function in both their personal and professional lives after a few weeks. Others need several months, or even more, to do this.
Regularly monitor and communicate as you support an employee through grief and loss.
Don’t rely on a grieving employee to tell you what they need.
When we learn that someone has lost a loved one, we want to help, but often we don’t know what to do. It’s very common to default to “Let me know what I can do to help,” feeling that this shows openness to support in whatever way the grieving individual needs.
In reality, the griever often is overwhelmed by what has recently happened and may not know what they need. Once they find out that they need something, it can be hard to admit it and ask for help.
It is essential to listen to a grieving employee and to learn about their situation. By knowing about them, we can better support them as they grieve.
What Can Be Done To Support A Grieving Employee?
Give them the gift of time.
Bereavement Leave
Provide a clearly written bereavement leave policy that minimally offers leave for the death of a close family member, and ideally provides leave for other major life events that spur grief and loss.
Only about 60% of employers allow bereavement leave as part of a benefits package. Often, these policies only provide an inadequate few days off, paid or unpaid. If an employee needs more time than the policy and/or PTO allows, or if a company does not have such a benefit, other employees could be allowed to donate their own paid time off. This benefits the grieving employee and enables other employees to support a coworker during a difficult time.
Flexible Scheduling
Remember that grief doesn’t follow a timeline. Some employees may not be able to return to full-time work as quickly as others. Some may need a reduced workload for some time.
You can offer flexible scheduling by allowing employees to work from home, reducing work times or days, or delegating some tasks until your employee can return to their former workload and schedule. Remember that you are each making investments and, ultimately, you both want to eventually meet and achieve the job responsibilities.
How To Communicate With A Grieving Employee
Focus on their needs.
Keep in contact with your employee as they move through a grieving process and listen to their needs. Often this kind of communication happens while the employee is dealing with a traumatic event, such as a serious medical diagnosis of a loved one or themselves. Train managers to keep their doors open and be available to listen actively and respond appropriately and with compassion, even through demanding business needs.
Unless it becomes extremely unworkable, give grace and avoid conversations about how the employee’s situation impacts the business.
Check in routinely.
While you can make it a policy that the door is always open for an employee to come and speak with someone, that may not always happen. For various reasons, a business may not have a culture that invites emotional conversations into the workplace, or an employee may be hesitant to talk about their feelings and needs at the workplace. So, make it a point to schedule time regularly to check in briefly.
The type of support necessary may change over time. Your employee may need more frequent conversations early on, and then routine discussions can be scheduled further apart as time goes by. Listen to and focus on what is best for that employee.
Offer practical help.
Many times, we want to offer practical and personal help to show support during the grieving period. Colleagues or others at the workplace often independently take on coordination and plans to help in these ways in concert with a grieving colleague.
Here are some options your organization’s employees might be able to help with:
Property care (raking leaves, lawn care, snow removal)
Meal planning or delivery
Home care (painting, general maintenance, upgrades to accommodate a new lifestyle, such as building an access ramp)
Pet care
Everyday errands (groceries, meals, visits)
With the grieving employee’s permission, consider openly discussing and providing a list of these in an open space for everyone to see.
Remember that it may be challenging for the grieving person to reach out and ask for help. This is another situation to be handled delicately. By having open and routine communication with the employee and the rest of the team, you can offer support in these more practical ways.
Give a meaningful gift.
Employers often struggle to find an appropriate gift for an employee experiencing grief or loss. When it comes to gift-giving from the workplace, the sentiment of co-worker and leader support is often as meaningful as the gift itself. There are many options beyond the traditional flower arrangement.
Memorial or keepsake gifts | Sympathy ornaments, jewelry, engraved items such as wind chimes, or a memorial plant or tree in the name of a lost loved one last longer than the flowers would have and can be a reflection of continued support. Be aware, however, that personal taste varies, so something you find beautiful may not be someone else’s style.
A sympathy care package | A gift box or care package filled with items that soothe and bring moments of respite to your employee is another option. It might include consumables, such as teas or coffees, healthy but delicious snacks or treats, or a simple but quality journal and pen. If you know of good books about grief that have been helpful to others, you can include those as well, but be mindful to carefully consider anything religious in nature that may not reflect an employee's belief system.
Gifts for the home | Blankets, weighted or heated, can offer soothing comfort. Picture frames can display special memories. Again, take extra care to find quality, neutral options that accommodate someone’s style. And before giving anything large or cumbersome, check to see if they already have it, as duplicates can contribute to disorder—something to avoid putting on someone else during a trying time.
Gift cards | Gift cards can seem like an ace-in-the-hole because they offer some choice to the aggrieved. In reality, many gift cards go unused by grieving individuals. What was once a favorite restaurant may (temporarily or not) not appeal during a time of grief. The same can be said for activities like going to the movies, or shopping, where items purchased “for fun” no longer hold the same sparkle.
There are some types of gift cards that can notably assist someone in grief, however, and those tend to be for more practical items or services, such as home cleaning or landscaping.
Gift-giving for grief can be a challenge, so before ordering a bouquet or meat and cheese platter, take the time to assess the employee and their preferences to give a gift that is both helpful and meaningful.
As an employer, manager, HR professional, or corporate leader, you can support a grieving employee by becoming more knowledgeable and flexible. Regular conversations with a grieving employee about the personal challenges and difficulties they face can lead to creative and effective ways to support them best.
These actions support employees both as workplace contributors and people, and creates a business environment that fosters care and appeals to everyone—from the aggrieved, to their coworkers and managers, to the organization as a whole.
Beyond Words, Co. offers a corporate and workplace giving program to businesses ready to do better by their employees through custom-designed care packages.
Our designs are research-backed to address grief and loss, support new parents, or commemorate other major life transitions. Don’t leave support to chance. Be ready with a beautiful, contemporary take on the care package that will leave a lasting impression.