Seasonal Grief | What The Change Of Seasons Can Mean For The Grieving
Our lives are composed of cycles. Nature is constantly changing as we cruise around the sun each year. Snow melts and flowers grow. Summer brings the excitement of outdoor activities and then we cuddle up as the temperatures cool once again.
Grief is along for the ride, too, with each change in season bringing its own reminders of loss. It’s called seasonal grief, where the traditions and memories of each season tug at the heart of a grieving person, reminding them of what was lost.
What Is Seasonal Grief?
Seasonal grief is a reality throughout the year for many.
I’ve discussed before the pain that can come from specific dates: anniversaries, birthdays, significant events. In grieving terms, an upswell in grief around these times is termed as an “anniversary reaction,” “holiday effect,” or “birthday blues.”
The focus on seasonal grief in this article is around more extensive time periods—the distinct weather changes we see with winter, spring, summer, and fall, and similarly, the holiday seasons to which we culturally give attention over weeks or even months. In the United States, holidays with “seasons” most commonly include Easter, Halloween, Hanukkah, and Christmas, but of course, a person’s relevant “seasons” are dependent upon their own culture and traditions.
Each season holds new potential for feeling grief. And today, there are new and fascinating explorations into seasonal grief, and how to not only address it, but use it to bring about growth and balance.
Take Mari Kennedy, for example. Founder of The Celtic Wheel, she focuses on traditions surrounding the festivals and celebrations of the ancient Celtic wheel to help herself and others make sense of crisis and loss. Each festival’s connection to the cycles of the earth and nature help her aid others in processing grief through each season to find a life with greater balance, peace, and potential for growth.
More than 50% of grieving people say they felt the effects of grief for six to twelve months after the event. It's time we learn more about the impact of the changing seasons upon grief journeys so we can support those suffering loss around us, and ourselves, through seasonal grief.
Seasonal Grief In The Fall
Fall is visually a season of loss.
The days become darker, temperatures cool, and in many places, the leaves turn vibrant colors before eventually turning brown and falling to the ground. Fall is also a season of preparedness. Animals begin preparing for the winter ahead, either by stockpiling necessary food stashes for the winter or by leaving and migrating to warmer climates.
Much about the fall season revolves around the idea of family and togetherness. As the days cool and shorten, families come together, sharing in traditions and rituals. Pumpkin carving, football games, hayrides, and apple picking bring families together. Holidays such as Halloween and Thanksgiving are steeped in family traditions.
Fall is nature’s season of death, and as its most symbolism-happy constituents, humanity has answered its call. You can’t get a much closer reminder of loss and death than the browning and fall of leaves—or celebrations of all things unalive, such as on Halloween. Perhaps most poignantly of all, Día De Los Muertos (translation: Day Of The Dead) is a literal celebration and remembrance of those we’ve lost.
People suffering from grief can feel numb during such times, where seasonal symbols, traditions, and events continue without the thing they grieve. Whether they feel the loss of a relationship, a loved one, or have faced a serious medical condition, seasonal grief can make it difficult to want to fully participate in events occurring around them and serve as a reminder of death or loss itself.
What Can You Do To Support Seasonal Grief In The Fall?
Here are some ideas for how you can prepare and support someone as the days become shorter and darker.
Just like hibernating animals, you can find a quiet and safe place where a grieving individual might seek solace, and offer to take or go with them.
Soothe and pamper someone through seasonal grief with a care package of indulgent self-care products.
Make soup or chili, or seek out comfort foods that warm and nourish the body and soul; include grounding spices like cinnamon.
Send a note to let them know you’re thinking of them.
Seasonal Grief In The Winter
If the fall season symbolizes loss or death itself (however gradual or abrupt), winter is the darkness that follows. The aftershock.
While the winter season officially begins with the Winter Solstice and the lengthening of days, the cold and dark through this season can seem almost perpetual (especially up here at Beyond Words Co. headquarters in frigid Minnesota!).
Winter’s chill keeps people indoors and isolated. For a person who is grieving, isolation can become even more intense. With so much time spent indoors, it can feel as though the entire world has pressed the pause button.
The weather can make it difficult to get outside, especially if the ground is snow-covered and slippery. This often leaves people sitting on the couch, not moving very much. It’s okay to process grief in stillness if that’s what your mind and body need. However, if that isn’t what is needed, and the cause of a grieving person’s inactivity is external to their actual needs–such as weather—seasonal grief can take hold in deeply painful ways.
Remaining active improves physical and mental health. This is partly because exercise increases the body's production of endorphins (chemicals in the brain that trigger positive feelings).
Apart from the effects of winter on our ability to stay active, let me talk for a moment about another significant contributor to seasonal grief during this time, which is the higher rate at which death and loss occur in the winter. January, February, and December (in that order) are the months with the highest rates of death in the US.
Higher occurrence of loss means greater numbers of death and loss anniversaries. Coupled with holidays and periods where family and togetherness are often the brightest lights through our darkest season, winter is, statistically, the worst season for seasonal grief.
This may be why many cultures, including ours, focus on winter as an opportunity for new beginnings. Several cultures celebrate a new year during winter and make plans or set goals for the future on these holidays. If you’re in the throes of grief, it can be hard to look toward the future with a sense of positivity.
What Can You Do To Support Seasonal Grief In The Winter?
Some ideas to help get someone through the darkness and isolation of winter include:
Help them put up holiday lights, encourage them to keep the blinds open and try to fill their home with as much light as possible.
Find ways to help them move their body and be in the outdoors, even if it is only for a short time. Exercise actually helps with relaxation.
If it is difficult to be outside due to snow and ice, offer ways to be active at home, such as indoor workouts, cooking, putting up decorations, or working on a project.
Find a good book, board game, or puzzle to enjoy. If the roads are clear, go for a drive to look at holiday light displays, or go to a show.
Seasonal Grief In The Spring
Spring is a time of rebirth and renewal. New leaves and flowers emerge from the frozen, seemingly lifeless ground. Baby birds hatch and fill the air with the sounds of their songs. People spend more time outside, and the world wakes up.
So why might this be difficult for a person who is grieving or facing a difficult situation? Because sunnier and warmer days do not simply wash away a person's grief. In fact, sharing in cultural feelings of hope and renewal in the spring can make a grieving person feel as though they are betraying the memory of a loved one.
The process of moving forward with grief takes time, and each person moves through grief at their own pace and according to their own timeline. A grieving person needs time to feel steady on their own two feet, and just like a newborn spring calf, they will wobble and feel shaky.
What Can You Do To Support Seasonal Grief In The Spring?
Nature gives us a guide for grieving. It shows us how to heal and be resilient. Here are some things that you can do to help someone get through seasonal grief in the spring.
Ask them to get outside with you and notice the changes in nature. Feeling the warmth of the sun on your face can be therapeutic and boost energy.
Help them plan a garden, whether extensive or just one plant.
Spring is a time for deep cleaning. Without being suggestive that they should let go of items, offer to be there if they mention it or plan to go through their things. It might be a good time to look for something to memorialize a loss, too.
Seasonal Grief In The Summer
Summer begins with the summer solstice, the day with the most daylight of the calendar year. Many now spend time outdoors with family gatherings and celebrations. Weddings, family reunions, and vacations are all around us.
It can be difficult to feel the weight of grief when so many people are out and about having fun.
Someone who is grieving can feel inappropriate about having a good time without a person they’ve lost. It can also be hard to relax if they go on a vacation or to an event that is now so different than what they originally envisioned.
A good way to describe seasonal grief at this time of the year is pressure. Pressure to get out. Pressure to socialize. Pressure to “enjoy the weather” and do things that still feel uncomfortable.
While seasonal grief is not a surprise during the winter holidays, it can be surprising to feel its effects during the summer. Frequently, events pop up with short notice. You can prepare months in advance for calendar holidays, but more spur-of-the-moment gatherings are less predictable. These last-minute gatherings can carry quite the emotional punch for someone processing grief.
What Can You Do To Support Seasonal Grief In The Summer?
Think about how you can do activities in a different way—one that feels safe and enjoyable. Create a new tradition with them. Find a new path to hike, or trail to bike.
Plan (with their permission), or help them plan, something they can look forward to—as small as a picnic, or as large as an international trip. Give them permission to say “no” to anything.
Seasonal grief is normal—and painful. Because seasonal scents, images, and words can trigger seasonal grief, we largely seek out items for our care packages that are neutral to season or holiday.
Because grief experiences seasons of its own, you’ll find in our care packages items that might reflect similar characteristics to the seasons of the earth: refreshing and uplifting fragrances that awaken and focus the mind, soothing comfort items that warm the soul, and items that allow for reflection and preparation for whatever is next.
See if any of them might fit the season of grief of someone you know, or create a custom package that does it best.
Remember that seasonal grief can be fickle. Someone in grief may get through one season feeling resilient and strong, only to be overcome with sadness and anguish at the next season. A grief journey winds through these different feelings over and over.
There is no one path to take with grief. There is no predetermined list of items that you must work through. Grief is just like the seasons: coming, going, and cycling over time.